


A Perfect Triangle

by loves_books



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Community: lewis_challenge, F/M, Lewis Secret Santa, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3114215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loves_books/pseuds/loves_books
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura already felt as if they were in a strange sort of ménage-a-trois, even if she was perhaps the only one aware of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wendymr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendymr/gifts).



> Written as part of the Lewis Challenge's Secret Santa 2014.
> 
> Huge thanks to my beta Willowbrooke for all her help and advice, particularly with the epilogue.

** Laura **

Laura never felt as if she’d won. She’d never even felt that there had been any sort of competition, though there had been moments over the years when it might have appeared that way to anyone on the outside looking in. But there had never been any real battle for Robbie’s love, and there were no hard feelings between her and James now, since she and Robbie had finally gotten together. Not on her part, certainly.

She’d always known the two men came as a package deal anyway. Lewis and Hathaway, Robbie and James. If she was going to be lucky enough to get one, then the other would come along too. They were two halves of the same whole in so many ways, one somehow completing the other.

When Robbie had first lost Val, all those long years ago now, Laura had been so worried about him. She had only been friends with Robbie back then, of course, but her own heart had broken as she watched him grieve for his beloved wife. It had been small surprise really when he left for the British Virgin Islands, and even less of a surprise when he’d returned as a broken man, little more than a shell of the man she had known.

But between herself and James, they had helped Robbie to rebuild his life in Oxford without his wife by his side. It had taken time and patience, but Robbie had eventually pulled himself up from what was understandably a devastating loss, bouncing back in a way Laura had hardly dared to hope for. She knew that Val would always be Robbie’s first and greatest love, and she could never, ever dream of replacing her. But still, she had started to hope that he might be able to move on, someday. With her.

And then, quite unexpectedly, they were together. Years of friendship and companionship, and Laura had almost stopped hoping. With barely any fanfare, and certainly no great discussion, they had suddenly taken the next step, and it had been everything she could possibly have dreamed of. Their friendship had blossomed into a deep, and surprisingly passionate, love, and once Robbie had retired – even though that hadn’t lasted for long – the two of them had even moved in together, and Laura cherished every morning that she woke up in his arms.

He was handsome, kind, and generous. More passionate than she had dared imagine, behind closed doors. A true gentleman in public, of course, though always willing to let her steal a cheeky kiss. And those strong hands of his, and those bright blue eyes… Laura loved Robbie with all her heart, and some days she almost had to pinch herself to believe that she could be so lucky.

And then there was James. Dear, sweet James, who had been at Robbie’s side every step of the way. Who had always seemed to know what Robbie needed, whether that was to be left alone or pushed and prodded out of his shell. Who had challenged him and snarked at him, supported him, gotten drunk with him, and been the best possible friend he could have been to the grieving man. Who had changed and grown as a man himself because of the simple fact that Robbie was his best friend in return.

Oh yes, they came as a pair, Robbie and James, and Laura wouldn’t change that for the world. The two men needed each other, and she was big enough not to be threatened by that. The simple truth was that Robbie just lit up when James was around. Those three long months when the younger man had been off walking and considering his future after resigning from the force, those had been months when Robbie had been just a little too quiet.

Laura had worried everything might have been suddenly too much for Robbie, that things perhaps had been moving too fast for him after years where there had been little change to his steady routine. They’d still been in the ‘honeymoon’ phase of their relationship, but on top of that Robbie had taken retirement and moved house, and had still been adjusting to life as a grandfather. Any single one of those would have been a life-changing event for anyone, let alone all of them at once, and she’d feared it might be too much, too soon. She’d even started to prepare herself for Robbie withdrawing from her yet again, as he had done so many times over the years.

Looking back a few months later, though, Laura was certain it had been James’s return which snapped Robbie out of it, and brought her man back to life. And it was an absolute pleasure to have the newly-promoted Detective Inspector Hathaway hanging around so often. Unless he was tied up with a case, most nights found James at their house, either slouched down into a comfortable armchair or perched at their dining table. Both Laura and Robbie always cooked enough for three, just in case, and there were always a few bottles of James’s favourite red wine in the cupboard, just because.

She had always wondered about their relationship. Robbie and James, James and Robbie. They had spent practically every minute of every day together for nearly eight years, and she couldn’t pretend to understand even half of what they’d been through together. What they truly meant to each other.

Laura was nothing if not observant, though. She might not be a detective, but it was still a big part of her job. She had often noticed the way James leaned in automatically towards Robbie when they sat side by side, and the way Robbie would let his legs splay open a fraction so he was touching every inch of James he possibly could. And she would have to be blind not to notice the way James only really seemed to laugh or smile for Robbie – he smiled at her readily enough, but those smiles were never quite as wide or as genuine as those he gave to his former boss.

She had always wondered if there was something more between them than just a ‘bromance’, as much as she hated that term. But regardless, she had truly never felt as if she was in competition with James, even if the younger man was at least half-way in love with Robbie. Laura was fairly certain nothing had ever happened between the two of them, not even a drunken snog, and to be honest she wasn’t entirely sure Robbie was even aware of the possibility that anything more could exist between the two of them. She loved him dearly, but for a brilliant detective he could be a little clueless at times.

The first time that the thought of ‘sharing’ had occurred to her, she’d wondered where on earth it had suddenly sprung from. Laura had always been fairly traditional in her relationships – not straight-laced, not by any means, but she had considered herself an old-fashioned romantic. She had always wanted to be swept off her feet, and to be treated as if she was the single most important person in someone’s life.

With Robbie, she had all of that and more, and the thought of him loving someone else as well as her should have been impossible to even consider. She should have been consumed with jealousy, and yet somehow the thought of sharing Robbie with James had never bothered her, instead feeling like a natural extension of the lives they already lead. Possibly because it felt as if it was already happening, and had been happening for years.

They were already in a strange sort of ménage-a-trois, even if Laura did feel she was the only one aware of it. James was at their house often enough to have taken over the wardrobe in the spare room with a combination of suits and casual wear. He had a toothbrush in the cup on the sink, and a cleaning kit for his contact lenses in the bathroom cabinet. When he wasn’t there, Laura and Robbie still referred to ‘James’s chair’. He even had a favourite coffee mug, one which no one else touched.

Tall and slender, blond and gorgeous. No, Laura really wouldn’t mind sharing, if it made Robbie happy and if James could accept it. The dishy young sergeant had matured into a handsome inspector, though at heart he was still the same shy, awkward, endearingly brilliant sod he had been since Laura first met him. Kind-hearted and selfless, witty and clever, and seemingly unaware of his own charms. She loved him like she would love a brother, and she longed for him to find some sort of happiness in his love life. 

Laura was as certain as she could possibly be that James was in love with Robbie, and she felt reasonably sure that Robbie loved him back, even if he hadn’t admitted it to himself. She also felt sure that Robbie’s heart was big enough to love both herself and James at the same time, even with a large part of it still taken up with his enduring love for Val. Laura was secure enough in their relationship that there was little she wouldn’t do to make Robbie happy, and she thought it would make James happy too. That was somehow incredibly important to Laura, after she’d watched her friend struggle for so many years to reach a point in his life where he was reasonably content. 

Cliché, perhaps, but making Robbie and James happy would make her happy too. And didn’t they all deserve a little more happiness in their lives, working the difficult jobs they did, and having been alone so long?

She could never be the one to suggest the idea, though. The two men would have to reach that conclusion for themselves, though their track record for honest and open communication didn’t provide much hope of that ever happening. Right now, she was happier than she’d ever expected to be; she was living with the man she loved and who she knew loved her back, the man she had nearly given up waiting for. They lived in a house she adored, and she had a job she took great pride in. James’s presence, in every way, was an added bonus.

Laura had watched these two boys ignoring their feelings for years. She could easily watch and wait a little longer.

 

** James **

There were many moments when James found he had to stop and remind himself that this was actually his life. It wasn’t a dream, or a nightmare, nor was it some facsimile of reality. No, it was genuinely, actually, really and truly his life. And that was simply amazing.

It wasn’t a perfect life. But unlike most normal people – and James had long ago accepted that he wasn’t entirely normal – he had never really expected to find ‘perfect’. Never thought it was within his reach, not even for a moment. Perfect was for people who knew exactly what they wanted and were strong enough to go after it with everything they had. But he’d never known what he wanted. Apart from the one thing he was sure he could never have.

Still, it was so much more than James had ever thought he could have. And he knew just how close he’d been to not having any of it, which made him cherish every moment all the more.

Everything in life happened for a reason. There had been a time, not so long ago in fact, when James had doubted that, but that time was no more. If he hadn’t left the seminary and joined the police force, he would never have met Robbie and Laura. If he hadn’t resigned and left the country, he would have lost his sense of who he was entirely. And if he hadn’t been able to find the strength to come back home, he wouldn’t have the life he was living now.

Surprisingly, James found he was content. 

Work was… Well, work was work, and James knew it said something about him that his job was the first place his thoughts turned to when he contemplated his life. He’d struggled long and hard with the decision to return to the police force, and his promotion had been more difficult to accept and adjust to than he’d ever expected.

He’d known exactly what he was doing, working himself into the ground the way he had. James was more than intelligent enough to understand the difficulties he was still having in trying to step back from the ‘grunt-work’. He’d wanted to do everything himself, wanted to prove himself all over again. Needed to justify his promotion as well as show his commitment to the job, especially after turning his back on it all for several months.

Understanding what he was doing hadn’t made it any easier to stop, though, and it was still a struggle. James had driven two sergeants away and had been on the verge of losing a third when CS Innocent had seen fit to bring back the one and only person who could help him. Dear God but James had been mad about that. To not even tell him first, to just have Robbie turn up at his crime scene without even a courtesy phone call…

Robbie had been part of the reason James had left in the first place, not that he would ever tell his friend that. Only a small part, certainly not the biggest part, but a part of it nonetheless. The challenge of proving that he could do the job without Robbie’s guidance was also one of the reasons James had come back, but his initial annoyance at his old DI being back on the job with him had faded quickly. James hadn’t realised just how much he’d missed working with Robbie, and the sting of the expected hurt and pain had faded quickly. 

Any lingering hope he might still have had faded quickly too, from the first moment he returned from Spain to find that Robbie had moved in with Laura. He’d seen in a heartbeat how happy the two of them were together, how very much in love they were, and James’s hurt and pain and hope had all faded to surprisingly bearable levels.

Hope was dangerous, he’d always known that, and James had tried never to hope for anything more than friendship with Robbie. Hell, even friendship was more than he’d dared to hope for when he first met the older man all those years ago. Robbie had been adrift in his grief over Val, bitter and brittle and difficult, and yet James had managed to see the kind and wonderful man beneath the protective walls Robbie had built around himself.

James understood all about protective walls. He’d had walls of his own, after all. Still did, though they were lower and thinner now than at any time since his youth.

He didn’t even know exactly when he’d fallen in love with Robbie. It hadn’t been love at first sight, certainly, but it probably had been quite soon after. James had tried desperately not to hope, though – Robbie had been grieving, and then he’d been gradually edging towards the equally kind and wonderful Laura Hobson. James had never seen any sign that Robbie liked him as more than just a friend, accepted he stood no chance, and instead went out of his way to gently nudge the two of them towards each other. He’d stopped looking for signs completely, and instead gratefully accepted whatever Robbie offered in the way of friendship, knowing that was a prize in itself.

It was so good to finally see them both happy and in love. Such a relief to see the weight of grief finally lift from Robbie’s shoulders, and to see the joy in his face when he kissed Laura. Robbie deserved all that and so much more. James had always known he stood no chance, and so he hadn’t tried to compete with Laura. He’d even made attempts to find love of his own, with the occasional date over the years, most of which had ended after an unsatisfying one night stand. The rest of them had actually ended in sheer disaster.

James had dated women and he’d dated men, and nothing ever seemed to work out. He knew he was an awkward sort of person, though he had no real desire to change, and he actually felt he was probably happier now that he’d given up on the whole idea of dating once and for all. Happier just being near to Robbie and Laura, having accepted that nothing would happen. The fact that they seemed to accept and even welcome his presence without question was still hard to believe, though.

He’d tried to stay away from them at first, when he’d returned from Spain, wanting to give them their space. The fabled ‘honeymoon phase’ and all that; James had no desire to be a third-wheel in their new relationship. But Robbie had called him constantly, trying to drag him out for a pint or a curry, and Laura had taken to dropping by his office to invite him for dinner, and all his determination to stay away had faded in the face of their genuine interest.

Selfish of him, perhaps, but now most evenings James ended up at their home. He was getting better at actually leaving the office before dark most nights, and only took paperwork home maybe every other day. Without ever intending to, he would find himself driving towards their house rather than to his cold and empty flat – if the lights were on when he arrived then he would knock on the door, and if not, then he would turn away with a heavy heart.

It didn’t escape his notice that the lights were nearly always on.

James knew both Robbie and Laura well enough to trust they would tell him upfront if he was ever in the way. It did happen, when they had ‘date night’ or hosted dinner parties for Laura’s friends. And to be fair, Laura usually tried to drag James along to her dinner parties, presumably so she could try to fix him up with someone. Thankfully, Robbie usually managed to make excuses for both of them and they would escape to the pub instead. Similarly, James couldn’t crash in their spare room when Lyn and her family came down to visit, though Robbie always invited him over for their big family dinners, refusing to accept James’s protestations of not wanting to intrude on their family time.

James accepted that he was still in love with Robbie – a part of him thought he always would be, now, after loving him all these years – and he suspected the other man loved him back, though certainly not in the same way. Robbie was his best friend, and he had somehow accepted James and all his quirks since day one.

James loved Laura too, and he’d enjoyed finally getting to know her better. The two of them had only really crossed paths briefly at work, usually at a gruesome crime scene or in the cold and clinical morgue, and he was delighted yet unsurprised to find he liked her as much as he’d always thought he would. She was clearly a perfect match for Robbie, and he could see exactly why his friend loved her the way he did. 

At first, James hadn’t been entirely sure why Laura tolerated his presence so often, but every time he felt he was overstaying his welcome the two of them would spend an evening discussing classical music or the works of Patrick O’Brian, usually with Robbie snoring quietly on the sofa between them, and James would decide not to question her reasons too closely.

Selfish of him again, perhaps.

And then, of course, there was Lizzie Maddox, rounding out James’s near-perfect life. His sergeant, the one who had stayed. He was incredibly glad she had chosen not to transfer out, and equally grateful that Robbie had been able to help them find a way to work together. She was a good match for him, bright and quick and able to keep up with his thoughts, and he could see a long and promising career ahead of her. James only prayed that he could train her as well as Robbie had trained him. Her presence in his life widened his social circle again, of course, as he made a determined effort to get to know both her and her husband. Tony clearly worshipped the ground Lizzie walked on, and James thought he liked the man well enough so far.

Was it a perfect life? No, but James felt settled, for the first time in a very long time. Being around Robbie didn’t hurt so much now, and with Lizzie finally back at work full time after being so brutally attacked, James felt almost optimistic about his future. He had found a peace in his life, both personally and professionally, which he’d always thought was out of his reach.

Such thoughts could be dangerous, though. A week after Lizzie was back at his side, and with the promise of dinner alone with Robbie that night since Laura was out of town, James was crossing Broad Street. He never saw the black car which came speeding out of a side street, the driver distracted with his mobile and hitting the brakes far too late.

The last thing he saw was the pavement rushing up to meet him, before everything went dark. 

Not so perfect, after all.

 

** Robbie **

On a rare afternoon off, pottering happily around in his kitchen, it suddenly struck Robbie all over again that he still couldn’t believe how lucky he was. As much as he still missed Val and always would, he was with Laura now, in love with her, and they were living together and sharing their lives. Falling asleep together and waking up in each other’s arms, sneaking kisses at crime scenes and leaving naughty texts on each other’s phones. Robbie still found it hard to believe that such a brilliant and beautiful woman had waited patiently for him all these years – and Laura had told him that she had done exactly that, had waited until his heart had time to heal a little from the deep wound caused by Val’s death.

After so many years of friendship, a part of him had almost expected any attempt at a love affair to immediately fade into little more than a comfortable companionship. Instead, to both Laura and Robbie’s surprise and delight, a fiery passion had sprung up between them. A fire that showed no signs of dying down, even though they’d had their ups and downs just like any new couple.

He really should have told her he was going back to work, for instance, rather than going running off the moment James needed him.

In all the joy of his new relationship with Laura, Robbie’s one fear was that he might lose James from his life, which was the last thing he’d ever want. He’d grown to rely on the other man’s steady presence more than he’d ever realised, that tall and looming shadow hovering over his shoulder at all times. James’s deep baritone was the voice in his head now, when it used to be Val. Funny, really, that Laura hadn’t become the voice there even now she and Robbie were together.

When James had left for Spain with barely a word of ‘goodbye’, disappearing practically overnight, Robbie had felt strangely abandoned. James had been by his side practically every minute of every working day, along with most evenings and weekends and even bank holidays. And Robbie had tried so hard not to simply cast James aside when he and Laura had finally started up, careful to make time for the man who had been there for most of his waking hours for the better part of a decade.

He still didn’t know everything that lay behind James’s decision to return to Oxford and take up promotion but, selfishly perhaps, Robbie was glad of it. For all James’s unsubtle attempts to give him and Laura space, Robbie had seen right through him – James didn’t want to be in the way of a new relationship, but he still wanted to be Robbie’s friend, and the stubborn sod had given in surprisingly quickly to persistent invitations, thank goodness.

It wasn’t quite like it used to be, though. How could it ever be the same? Robbie and James were back working together now, but they weren’t side by side every minute of every day, since James had his own sergeant and Robbie’s experience was increasingly being drawn on by other teams. Thankfully the two of them had easily rediscovered their close bond in spite of all that, even after they had butted heads a few times trying to find a new balance.

James had even practically moved in to the house Robbie and Laura shared, spending most of his evenings in their company and crashing in their spare room when it got too late. A guilty part of Robbie felt he really should have a word with Laura at some point, just to make sure she was really okay with it all, but he was so glad to have the younger man right there with them that he didn’t dare risk her changing things.

Because the simple fact of the matter was, that as much as Robbie loved Laura, a not-so-small part of him loved James too.

Robbie needed James in his life, and he wasn’t quite sure even now when friendship had turned to sleepless nights spent pondering, eventually turning to what was undeniably love. But he was happily with Laura, and he’d told himself time and again that James had never given him any signs that his deeper feelings might be returned. 

That wasn’t true, though. Robbie had just chosen not to look too closely at any signs that might have been there. Once he was with someone, he had always been and would always be monogamous – he couldn’t and wouldn’t cheat on Laura with James, and James wouldn’t be the man he loved if Robbie thought the younger man would even consider it for a second. 

It didn’t change the fact that Robbie loved and needed both of them in his life, and he knew that made him selfish. He should push James away, force him to try to find love on his own terms, or at least a life away from him and Laura, and perhaps he would one day. Just not yet. Just a little longer, just the way things were.

Dangerous, of course, to feel that way for too long and not to take any action. To pretend everything could carry on just the way it was. And everything could change so easily, in the space on one brief call, the ringing of a phone splitting the silence of Robbie’s lazy afternoon at home.

“Hello?” 

“Sir?” It was Lizzie Maddox, sounding shaken in a way Robbie had never heard her before. “It’s DI Hathaway, Sir. It’s James…”

He knew immediately that something had happened. Something bad. He suddenly felt dizzy and weak, as if the world had turned sideways. His legs refused to support his weight, and he sank down onto a chair as Lizzie spoke quickly, her voice soft yet tense.

Robbie tried desperately to focus on the exact words the sergeant used, even as his heart started racing. Lizzie told him James had been hit by a car, and Robbie’s heart almost stuttered to a stop as his world started to crash down around him. But she quickly explained that her boss was already awake, had only been out for a couple of minutes in fact. Apparently it looked like a bump on the head, a possibly broken collarbone and badly sprained knee, plus a whole assortment of cuts and bruises, though he was still in with the doctors. 

James was in the hospital, of course, and Robbie needed to be with him. 

And James needed him. James was hurt. Someone had hit him with a car, of all things.

With that horrific thought echoing in his mind, Robbie thanked Lizzie as calmly as he could and told her he’d be there just as soon as possible, then carefully hung up the phone with shaking hands. Fear froze him in place for just a second before he pushed up and away, his only thought to get to James’s side.

Moving at a near jog, Robbie quickly snatched up keys and coat and phone, and was out of the front door in a matter of moments, hoping he could stop his hands shaking long enough to actually drive his car to the hospital without causing another accident.

His whole body felt shaky, really, and some distant and professionally-trained part of Robbie’s mind diagnosed mild shock. Just the very thought that he could have lost James that afternoon, while he had been pottering around in the kitchen, made his heart stutter in his chest once again, as he started up the car and pulled out of the drive, without even bothering to check over his shoulder. The thought that he could ever lose James…

A less professional part of his mind reminded him that James wasn’t his to lose. Never had been, not really. Not in the way he wanted. As much as Robbie might’ve wished – 

Damn it, why had Laura chosen this week to be away at a conference?

He drove as fast as he could, though of course the traffic in Oxford was terrible, as always. Every red light seemed against him, and sitting helplessly in a queue of cars Robbie’s thoughts just kept twisting and turning, always coming back to James.

James. His James. Or, not his James, not anymore, not ever really, but still his best friend. His… his something, his someone undefinable. Irreplaceable. 

Another bloody car, another reckless driver, and Robbie had nearly lost half of his whole world for the second time in his life. All he could think was ‘not again, please, not again’.

Having Val ripped away from him by a hit and run driver still hurt terribly, and it always would. James had been the one to help him start healing, even more so than Laura with her infinite patience and undemanding friendship, when he had been the one to find Simon Monkford. Robbie suddenly couldn’t remember if Lizzie had said they’d caught the driver this time, or if they’d gotten away. He didn’t know whether to hope they’d been arrested or not. Either way, he didn’t trust himself to be in the same room with them, not this time around.

God, not again, please, not again.

The thought was startling, even as the traffic finally started to move. Robbie didn’t believe in God, and he wasn’t sure he ever had done, not really. He’d gone along to Sunday School when he was a lad, and obediently gone to church whenever Val had wanted, but he wasn’t sure if he’d ever actually believed. And after Val, any vague faith that might have existed had burned away in the moment he’d received that phone call, telling him that she had – 

James did believe in God, though, and for James’s sake Robbie found himself mumbling a brief almost-prayer of thanks as he drove on. Thanks that the younger man’s life had, apparently, been spared. He may have added a few hissed swear words afterwards, cursing the fact that he’d nearly lost someone else he loved to a hit and run, but he wouldn’t remember later.

It wasn’t as if the two of them ever actually talked about things like God, but it was in the little things James sometimes said, like ‘God is in everything’. It was in the times when he was late to Sunday lunch, when Robbie was sure he’d been to Mass. He should’ve asked. Why had he never asked?

But even if Robbie had asked, he knew in his heart that James would never have given him a straight answer. Not on such an important yet delicate subject. James was a mass of contradictions at times, and as slippery as an eel when he wanted to be. He could give the most longwinded answer possible, including quotations from a dozen different philosophers, and Robbie would walk away confused and no closer to having a clear answer to something he’d thought was a simple question. Or he’d get a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ followed by a swift change of topic, which was somehow even less satisfactory.

Take the question of James’s sexuality, Robbie thought suddenly, as he finally turned into the car park for the hospital, swinging into the first spot he saw and pulling hard on the hand brake. He’d only ever asked the once, all those years back during that terrible, confusing Will McEwan and Zoe Kenneth affair. He never would have asked, no matter how curious he was, but James had pushed him and pushed him.

James had never really given him an answer, of course. Yorkie bars and lads’ magazines didn’t count – Robbie liked Yorkie bars well enough, but he also liked musicals and shoes. For all that James had been briefly involved with a couple of women Robbie knew about for sure, there had also been at least one man to his knowledge. Not that James had actually told him.

No, Robbie had stumbled upon his then-sergeant on a date, at a cosy table for two in the window of an up-market restaurant. There had been candles and flowers on the table, and James had been sitting opposite a slightly older man, dark haired and clearly a little shorter than him. It could have been any normal dinner between friends, but it was clear to Robbie that it wasn’t. One look at James's expression, and the hint of nervousness and his shy smile as he focused on the other man's words gave him away. 

The stab of pain had been surprising, and Robbie had turned quickly away, feeling terribly guilty for what could have been considered spying on his friend. He’d not asked James about it the next day, and James hadn’t mentioned it, but that pain deep in his chest had stayed with Robbie for days afterwards.

All these years together, and Robbie still didn’t know some of the big things about James. He knew the important things – James’s sense of humour, his kindness, his patience. His calm and caring manner. The quirk at the corner of his lips which meant he was amused, and the lift of an eyebrow which spoke of suspicion. The way that long and lean body relaxed infinitely when James was content, and the sound of his honest laughter.

The big things, though, those were still a mystery. Robbie had no idea if the younger man even had any living family – oh God, what if he had to call James’s next of kin? What if no one knew who to call? What if – ?

The doors to the A and E suddenly loomed large before him, a huddled group of smokers just to the side, and Robbie took a deep and steadying breath before hurrying on in, wishing again that Laura was by his side. He wouldn’t need to call James’s next of kin. James was awake, Lizzie had said, and he would be fine. Robbie needed him to be fine.

He needed both Laura and James in his life, but right now Robbie was alone. Laura was away in York, and he’d have to find a way to phone her as soon as he could, explain what had happened. But first and far more importantly, James was in the hospital, injured, and he needed Robbie to be strong. 

He couldn’t lose James from his life, he simply couldn’t. James would have to be okay. Robbie would give anything and everything to make sure he was always okay.


	2. Chapter 2

** Robbie **

It was amazing how much could change in just one single week, Robbie mused, while James slept restlessly by his side. Everything could change, and yet from the outside nothing would appear different. The tiny details of everyday life would still be the same, and yet…

One week since the accident. Seven long days since James had been hit by a car and Robbie had faced that long and terrifying drive to the hospital, desperate to find out how badly he’d been hurt. Six days since he’d been able to bring James home again, the younger man sitting drugged and dopey in the passenger seat while Robbie drove as slowly as he possibly could.

It could have been so much worse. Robbie couldn’t believe how lucky James had been to escape life-threatening injuries, able to walk away from an accident that could easily have taken his life. Robbie had finally made it into the hospital on that first day to find Lizzie pacing in the waiting room, anxiously keeping an eye out for his arrival. Without saying a word, she’d ushered him quickly back through the busy A and E to a curtained cubicle, and Robbie had forced himself to draw back the curtain, scared half to death of what he might find inside.

Sitting on the bed now with the sleeping James a week later, Robbie gave in to the need to lift the younger man’s good hand gently into his own. The slightly restless tossing and turning settled at his touch, and Robbie squeezed those long fingers ever so carefully, eyes drifting again to the sling which kept James’s other hand tucked up against his chest, his arm and shoulder immobilised safely.

The sling had been one of the first things he’d noticed when he’d stepped into the cubicle a week earlier. James had been lying almost completely flat on the narrow hospital bed, his pale skin and blonde hair almost blending in to the white sheets and pillow, but there had been a bright blue sling supporting his right arm. Vicious black bruising had already begun to appear across his shoulder and spread up his neck, and James had been bare-chested, a thin blanket tugged up to his waist.

Most importantly, though, James had been awake. A small, clean dressing taped into place above his left eyebrow, a scrape and a bruise on his right cheek, but those dark and unfathomable eyes had focussed immediately onto Robbie, and a tiny smile had appeared on James’s thin lips.

“Robbie.” And James’s voice had been steady as he’d held out his free hand, trailing an IV line.

Robbie had felt all the tension and fear leave his body in an instant as he’d practically fallen the final two steps across the small cubicle to James’s bedside, seizing the offered hand like the lifeline it so clearly was.

He’d tried to keep his own voice steady, but looking back now Robbie was sure his words had sounded terribly weak as he’d tried to joke with the injured man. “Can’t leave you alone for five minutes, can I, lad?”

“I’ll be fine,” James had told him firmly, the smile dropping away as he’d stared up at Robbie, as if trying to convince them both. “A bit banged up, but I’ll be just fine. Promise.”

He’d known, of course. It had been clear to Robbie that James would have figured it out immediately, how scared Robbie must have been receiving that call, especially after what had happened to Val. Robbie hadn’t found out until yesterday, but apparently James had even shouted at Lizzie a little, for calling him so quickly. The news would still have been terrifying coming directly from James, but it wouldn’t have been quite so bad, somehow. If Robbie had been able to hear James’s voice.

They’d kept James in overnight, just as a precaution. A mild concussion and the broken collarbone had been the worst of it – his knee had been sprained as expected, but not badly. James had some quite spectacular bruising and an awful lot of sore muscles, but it all really could have been so much worse, and they knew it. 

Robbie had stayed with James that first afternoon as he’d been moved to an observation ward, and sat by his side until the doctors had thrown him out for the night. He’d returned the next morning with a change of clothes for the injured man, just loose sweatpants and a hoodie which made James look like little more than an overgrown teenaged boy. Lizzie Maddox had laughed long and hard at the sight of her boss looking that young, even as she’d protectively wrapped a warm scarf around James’s long neck, taking great care not to knock that blue sling. 

Lizzie had offered to take James home with her, since the flat she shared with her husband was on the ground floor, and they had a spare room, too, which had made it a sensible option. James didn’t really need crutches even with his knee – thank goodness, since he really wouldn’t have been able to use them with his collarbone snapped – but it had still been obvious he’d struggle getting around for a while. His own flat was a basement conversion, and Robbie and Laura’s home had stairs, of course.

At the time, Robbie had pushed down the unexpected rush of jealousy at the sergeant’s offer, prepared to nod and smile and help James settle in, even though he’d desperately wanted to be the one to look after him. To come so close to losing James, only to have him able to come home just one short day after the accident – after such a scare, Robbie had wanted James with him, and he knew Laura would want him home with them too.

And at the time, James had hesitated before answering Lizzie. He’d caught Robbie’s eye across the room, tilting his head in question. A quirk of a pale eyebrow, and an answering smile and encouraging nod from Robbie, and James had politely turned his sergeant down. 

“Thanks, but Robbie’ll take care of me. Most of my things are at his place, anyway.” James had tried to sound casual, but Robbie had been able to detect the slight hint of uncertainty which still lingered. He knew James hated the thought of being a burden, and he’d been quick to try to reassure his friend.

“Aye, lad. Let’s get you home and into bed. You know what those painkillers do to you.”

If Lizzie had thought anything odd about James preferring to limp up and down a flight of stairs, she’d managed to bite her lip. She’d had plenty of practise at that, Robbie figured, working with James for a few months now. And if she’d ever wondered about the exact nature of the strange relationship between Robbie and James, she’d never said anything.

So James had left the hospital with Robbie, and the sheer relief of having him back home – and it was home, with James there – had almost stolen Robbie’s breath away again. It could have been so different.

That first afternoon, once he’d got James into the house and settled on the sofa with his long legs up and bad knee cushioned, covered in cuts and bruises and wearing that blue sling, Robbie had just dropped back into James’s normal chair and watched the younger man sleep. Tried not to remember such a different set of circumstances after such a similar accident, years earlier, when he hadn’t been able to bring Val home with him and watch as she started down the long road to recovery.

He’d done a lot of that this week, watching. James had needed a fair bit of help with just about everything, and Robbie knew the other man hated to ask, hated to feel like a burden. So, he had watched carefully for the times when he might be needed, and tried just to be there. Few words were needed between the two of them in those moments – James always accepted his help whenever it was offered, and even went so far as asking once or twice, when Robbie missed something.

The stairs had been a challenge, as anticipated, and Robbie had almost suggested taking James over to Lizzie and Tony’s flat after all. Especially that first night home from the hospital, when James had been so groggy on painkillers. Even keeping the taller man upright had been a challenge, but they’d managed, somehow, between the two of them.

That had become routine, the ‘stairs manoeuvre’ as James had dubbed it. Robbie with one arm tight around a slender waist, trying not to put pressure on the multiple bruises he knew lurked beneath baggy jumpers, and James clinging on to him equally tightly with his good arm. Thankfully the staircase was just about wide enough for the two of them, and they’d quickly perfected a strange little hop-shuffle-slide. Even after barely a week, James’s knee was already stronger and he probably didn’t need the help any longer, but Robbie preferred to be there with him. Just in case.

Robbie had tried to be there all week, and he knew he was hovering. Couldn’t help himself, though, and strangely James hadn’t protested at any point. He’d had a scare himself, after all, and Robbie felt perhaps James welcomed him staying closer than normal.

Like now. After accepting help getting upstairs, James had taken a painkiller before stretching carefully out on his bed to take a nap, and Robbie had just stayed right there at his side. Perching on the edge of the mattress, holding one pale hand in his own. Just being there, offering whatever comfort his presence might bring. And drawing his own comfort, too.

The first three nights James had been home, Robbie had actually slept in this very bed alongside him. The first night hadn’t been planned. Robbie had simply been unable to bring himself to leave James’s side and had fallen asleep on top of the covers. On the second night, James had actually asked him to stay – half asleep and dopey on painkillers, he’d refused to let go of Robbie’s hand until he’d given in and climbed under the quilt with him.

The third night had been a self-indulgence Robbie should never have allowed himself, and he’d been careful not to fall asleep with James again, as much as he wanted to. 

Not that anything had happened between them, nothing more than simple care, comfort and reassurance at least. But in the back of Robbie’s mind the whole time was Laura, and how it would all look to her.

She’d been calling them both twice a day, giving them instructions and orders from afar. She’d wanted to leave her conference and come home immediately, of course, but Robbie had eventually convinced her they’d be fine. James wasn’t actually ill or critically injured, just bruised and battered and ever so slightly broken. Rest was the best cure, and Robbie could make tea or coffee and hover alongside the best of them. Lizzie had stopped by to check on James daily, bringing take-out with her every evening even if she didn’t stay to eat with them, so James wasn’t even having to suffer Robbie’s attempts at cooking.

Selfishly, Robbie was glad he’d had this time alone with James, without Laura hovering nearby. Just to know that he was okay. To be able to hold his hand and drink in his presence. To feel he was alive, this man Robbie had nearly lost. This man he loved – there was no denying that now, not to himself, at least.

Laura would be home tomorrow, and she’d be the one to take over, Robbie knew. She was the doctor, and she loved James too, of course, in her own way.

This quiet time just for Robbie and James would have to end. Robbie would still have to help James with a lot of things – getting dressed with his sling in place, cutting his food one-handed, washing and shaving – but Laura would almost certainly take over the hovering. She might even want to take over some of the more personal tasks, such as the shaving and perhaps even the showering.

Robbie had never cursed his over-the-bath showerhead quite so much as the day he’d realised James was nowhere near steady enough to climb in and out of the tub alone, not with his knee and his arm. Robbie had tried to keep it purely practical and clinical, letting James get himself undressed as much as he could, and keeping his own gaze carefully above the neckline and staying hands-free to allow James to grab onto him as necessary. It had still left them both red-faced and blushing furiously, though the embarrassment had faded as the week passed.

Each time, he tried not to look at James’s naked body, all pale skin mottled with deep bruises in a rainbow of colours. Still beautiful, though, with his long lean muscles and slender limbs. He’d tried not to want more than he could have, but it was dangerous, being alone with a James who needed him close.

Laura would be back tomorrow, and perhaps it would be for the best if she did take over the bulk of James’s care. Robbie had missed her too, even while he enjoyed the time alone with James, and he’d tried hard to ignore the growing confusion he was feeling. He loved Laura and he missed her. He also loved James but couldn’t and wouldn’t be with him, not like this.

He wasn’t being fair to either one of them, and he knew it. Looking down at James’s pale face, relaxed in sleep, Robbie sighed softly. There was no way around it; this would have to end, even if all ‘this’ was, so far, only in his mind.

Leaning down awkwardly, he pressed a soft kiss to James’s bruised forehead, careful to keep his touch chaste and light. It would be over soon enough, when Laura returned, but for just a little longer James was his to love and care for. 

Just a little longer, then he would end it. For everyone’s sake.

 

** James **

James still didn’t remember much about the moment the car had hit him. According to Lizzie, who had been watching in horror, the driver had driven off at high speed before James’s limp body had even rolled to a complete stop, only to crash into a lamppost just around the corner. The first thing James remembered was staring up at an overcast sky and seeing his sergeant’s worried face hovering over him, her lips moving as if calling his name but with him unable to hear anything, almost as if the whole world had been on mute.

And pain, of course. Lots of pain.

The pain was still there now, a whole week after the accident, and every inch of James’s body hurt. The tiniest movements seemed to cause the greatest pain, and sadly it didn’t take much to stir him from his deep and exhausted sleep. He drifted back to awareness slowly, recognising that he was lying in his bed in the spare room at Robbie and Laura’s, though for once he was unsure of what had woken him – the pain was no worse than it had been all day, and his sling still felt secure and comfortable. 

He lay still for a long moment, eyes closed, breathing as deeply as he could, wondering what had woken him this time. There had been a feathery touch on his forehead, James thought, the bruised skin there tingling ever so slightly; the strong painkillers he was reluctantly taking were playing absolute havoc with his system, but they did dull the worst of the pain from the accident. James figured that made up for the confusion and bleariness they also caused.

Stretching slightly on the bed, James drew in a sharp breath as all his aches and bruises made themselves known once again. As he hissed involuntarily in pain, he suddenly became aware of someone holding his good hand, squeezing gently now with a reassuring pressure, and in the very next moment a calm and soothing voice murmured into the quiet of the room.

“Hush, James. Relax. You’re all right.”

“Robbie?” James turned his head slightly on the pillow, towards the familiar voice, though he made no attempt to open his heavy eyelids.

“Aye, I’m here. Go back to sleep, James. It’s okay.”

With a soft hum of agreement and acceptance, James tried to will his body to relax once again, though he wasn’t at all sure he could actually drift back to sleep. Now he knew Robbie had stayed with him as he slept, he was far too aware of the other man’s warm presence close by his side. Very close, in fact, sitting right by him on the bed, with the heat of his solid body easing the ache in James’s thin and battered one. 

The lingering pain shouldn’t be surprising, not really; James knew it could all have been so much worse, and his more serious injuries were healing well enough so far. His sprained knee felt a lot more stable, and his headache had faded at last. His collarbone had suffered a clean break which apparently wouldn’t need surgery, though he’d have to be very careful for the next few months. But in spite of how lucky he’d been, there was barely an inch of skin on his body which wasn’t bruised in some way, or a muscle that wasn’t strained or slightly torn.

He should sleep again, he knew that, logically. Lots of rest was just what he needed, and he should give in to the tidal pull of the drugs in his system. But James wanted just a little longer with Robbie so close by his side, holding his hand, before the time came when James would have to leave.

That time was coming sooner than he’d hoped. He should’ve been stronger immediately after the accident, perhaps, and accepted Lizzie’s kind offer of help, or even insisted on going home to his own lonely flat. James was sure he could’ve coped alone if he’d had to. He would’ve hobbled to the kitchen for water and painkillers, and just slept in his own bed until the pain went away. 

Except, that other bed in that other flat didn’t feel like his anymore. This bed in Robbie and Laura’s spare room felt more like his own, like home, and James had simply needed to be here. Needed to be with Robbie.

He knew just how selfish he was being, but he hoped he could be forgiven for that, given his injuries and the scare he’d given everyone. The scare he’d given himself, for that matter. On top of that, Robbie had clearly wanted to be the one to care for him, and James had needed the other man’s care, and his love. Those two things had helped far more than the pills had done, so far.

More than anything, James hoped Robbie would also forgive him for the scare he’d given his friend – he was all too aware of the parallels between his accident and the incident that had claimed the life of Robbie’s beloved Val. 

Careless and thoughtless of James, really, to put Robbie through that again, even if the accident most certainly hadn’t been his fault. Knowing that didn’t ease James’s guilt in the slightest.

James would never compare himself with Val, not even for a second, but he knew Robbie must have been terrified when he’d heard what happened. The look on Robbie’s face when he’d arrived at the hospital soon after the accident would stay with James for a long time – he was so grateful he’d been conscious by that point and able to offer some sort of comfort, even as he’d drawn his own comfort from Robbie’s calming presence and tight grip on his hand. 

Robbie had barely left James’s side since that first moment, staying with him as long as he could in the hospital, and hovering as much as James would let him get away with back at home. Those bright blue eyes had shone with undisguised love and concern every time he met James’s gaze, and the love had been surprising at first, even though James had known for a long time that Robbie cared for him deeply in his own way.

That love had been evident in all the tenderness Robbie had shown once James had been released from the hospital, when he helped James up and down the stairs as needed, and tucked his bruised body carefully into bed. It had been in the practicalities, in the adorable blush on Robbie’s cheeks as he helped a shaky James into the shower or when getting dressed. And it had been in the times he’d slept right here by James’s side, a solid and reassuring presence which kept the expected nightmares at bay.

James had found himself starting to hope, again, when he’d spent so long carefully burying his true feelings for Robbie and convincing himself nothing could ever happen between them. Because beneath all the tender actions and the practical assistance, there had been moments when James had been absolutely sure he’d seen something more from Robbie. Something more than simple concern for a friend, or the love of a father-figure or a best friend.

Something more like the love James had felt for Robbie, all these years. 

Now, James knew he had to leave, and sooner rather than later. Whether it was the drugs continuing to mess with his mind, making him see things that simply weren’t there, or whether Robbie really did feel something deeper for him, James just knew he had to go. Before he either embarrassed himself by making a move of some kind and being soundly rejected, or before Robbie could ever be tempted to do something which might be considered cheating on Laura.

Not that James believed Robbie would ever really do that, but he had no desire to be a temptation or a torment to the man he loved. Robbie was with Laura, and that was simply the way it was and the way it should be. They weren’t in competition, James and Laura, and never had been, but Robbie had fallen in love with her first. There were no winners or losers, just the way things were, and James had accepted that, as difficult as it was.

Any signs or signals he thought he had seen would simply have to be ignored. Robbie wouldn’t cheat on Laura, and James wouldn’t love him as much as he did if he thought Robbie would ever even consider it. Laura deserved better than that after being so patient for so long, and James had seen no signs that Robbie was anything other than very happy with her. Robbie deserved to be happy, more than anyone James had ever known.

No, James needed to go home. To his own home, and soon.

He could stay a little longer, though. Just a little longer, until it all didn’t hurt quite so much. Even if the pain in his heart might grow sharper as the pain in his battered body faded slowly away.

James felt the mattress dip ever so slightly as Robbie shifted on the bed beside him, and the grip on his hand loosened a fraction. He tensed automatically, preparing for Robbie to get up and leave him, but instead a calloused thumb started to trace calming circles on the back of his hand. Another dip and a shift, and the feathery touch which must have woken him earlier was back again, on his forehead just as before, close to the small dressing he still wore to cover the cut which had needed four stitches to close.

This time, awake and more aware as the confusion from the drugs faded away, James recognised the touch for what it was. Warm lips, gentle on his bruised skin. A chaste kiss.

And he blinked open his eyes at last, only to see Robbie’s startled face barely inches away from his own. The older man sat up quickly, clearing his throat awkwardly, though James couldn’t help but notice the grip on his hand tightened again rather than disappearing altogether.

“I thought you were asleep.” As James watched, stunned, a distinctive blush coloured Robbie’s cheeks. “I’m sorry, lad. I never would’ve – ”

“I think I need to go home.”

James’s soft words fell heavily into the room, and immediately he wished he could take them back. The look that flashed through those bright blue eyes was there and gone in only a second, but it was undeniably heartbreak. 

“I’m sorry.” This time, Robbie did drop James’s hand, though he didn’t stand or move further away. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to… Not like that…” 

“It’s okay. Really. It’s not that I don’t want that, from you. If you mean what I think you mean.” There seemed little point in pretending any longer, and James forced himself to hold Robbie’s gaze until the other man nodded and heaved a sigh, shoulders visibly dropping. “But I think it will be best for everyone if I go home.”

Suddenly, it became hard to have that conversation lying down. Hard to have it at all, really, since the two of them had never spoken openly or honestly about the important things in their lives. But if they were really going to acknowledge the love they clearly felt for each other – and James’s head was spinning wildly at the fact Robbie might truly return his love in this way – then James wanted to be upright. The two of them needed to be as equal as they could ever be, if they were going to discuss this even for a second.

Tensing to sit up, James gasped as his shoulder screamed in pain at the sudden action, and in the next instant the rest of his body reminded him that it was probably a better idea if he stayed lying down. But Robbie was right there and somehow knew exactly what James needed, just as he had done all week, in spite of the embarrassment he was still clearly feeling. Strong and steady hands were gentle on James’s aching body, instinctively avoiding the worst of his bruises, and in the space of a few painful minutes the two of them were sitting up side by side on the bed, leaning back against the headboard.

Robbie was the one who broke the silence which had fallen. “Please, don’t feel you have to go. Don’t leave me, not because of this. Laura’ll be back tomorrow, and she’d never forgive me if you weren’t here for her to fuss over.”

“It’s because of Laura that I think I should leave. And I think you know I’m right.”

Robbie shifted ever so carefully by James’s left side, until the pair of them were pressed shoulder to shoulder in the way they always sat. Easier this way, perhaps, as they both stared straight ahead at the wardrobe opposite, and at James’s guitar propped safely in the corner of the room. The guitar had been there for months, now, and that fact had never seemed strange to James until that moment. His guitar belonged at home. How could James have let this house become his home when that could never truly happen? Not without breaking the heart of a good woman who loved Robbie very much, and who he knew Robbie loved too. Robbie would be guilt-ridden if his relationship with Laura ended because of James, in any way.

“I love Laura.” The words were soft but carried as much weight as if Robbie were shouting them from the rooftops. James closed his eyes in resignation and nodded, cradling his arm in its sling as his shoulder throbbed in time with his heartbeat. “I do love her. But I love you too, James. In another life, maybe, you and me…”

“We only have one life to live, Robbie. And you’ve chosen to spend it with Laura now.” James tried to keep any hint of bitterness from his voice, but he wasn’t at all sure he succeeded.

“You make it sound like a competition.” The ring of truth was obvious in Robbie’s words, though that didn’t make them hurt any less. “If I could have both of you, if I could love both of you… I would. I want you to know that.”

For a long moment, James let himself imagine just that. The three of them, living together properly in a home they all shared. Robbie and Laura and him, a strange ménage-a-trois, with both Laura and James loving Robbie, and Robbie loving them both in return. James didn’t doubt for a moment that Robbie’s heart was big enough to love the two of them, and he could somehow picture how it could work. Dinner at the table, with each of them taking turns to cook. The three of them curled up on the sofa of an evening, him and Laura on either side of Robbie. 

Not so very different from the way things were now, James realised with a start, only it would really make his own life perfect in every way. It would be a dream come true, to come home to a hug and a kiss rather than simply to a welcoming light left on in the hallway, and to have company in his bed even half the time. To be loved, wanted and accepted like that by the only man James had ever truly loved, for Laura to understand and accept him too…

And with that thought, reality came crashing back down around him.

“I’d like that. I’d like that very much. Loving you. Sharing you with Laura.” James swallowed hard, eyes blurring slightly with tears. “But I can’t imagine for even a moment that Laura would ever accept that.”

A soft laugh drifted into the room in the very next moment, and James startled slightly, absurdly pleased to feel Robbie jump too. “Oh, I don’t know about that.” When James glanced over, Laura was leaning in the doorway, arms folded over her chest, with a tiny smile hovering on her lips as she watched the two of them. “What if Laura didn’t mind at all?”

 

** Laura **

She’d almost felt guilty, standing outside the door and listening for as long as she had. Almost, but not quite – hearing the two men finally starting to talk tentatively about the love they felt for each other and the idea of sharing that love with her too, that had been more than Laura could ever have dared hope to hear when she had arrived home early. It immediately became clear to her, though, that nothing had actually happened between Robbie and James, just as she’d expected, since the two of them were both far too concerned with upsetting her to seriously consider the possibility.

“I mean it, gentlemen.” Robbie and James just gaped up at her as they sat shoulder to shoulder on the bed, and Laura had to fight hard not to laugh at their matching expressions, equal parts shock and embarrassment. “What if I really didn’t mind? What if I thought it was an idea worth exploring? And I do, just for the record.”

Neither man spoke, though Laura watched a blush creep up Robbie’s cheeks as he ducked his head slightly, and James’s poor battered face grew a few shades paler as he blinked rapidly at her.

The smile faded from Laura’s lips as she got her first good look at the bruises and cuts visible on James’s features, and the snug sling he wore to protect his broken clavicle. With James’s permission, Laura had been able to speak to the doctors who had treated him after the accident, and she understood how lucky he had been to walk away relatively uninjured after being hit by that car. But she hadn’t been prepared for just how bruised he would still be, and how exhausted he would look, even a week afterwards.

Hearing the news of what had happened to James had been one of the worst moments of Laura’s life, not that she’d heard her phone ring at the time. She’d been in a lecture, one of the first at her week-long conference, with her mobile obediently on silent and buried deep in the bottom of her bag. She hadn’t even thought to check for messages until just before going in to dinner that night, and what she’d seen had made her heart race. 

Five missed calls and one desperate voicemail from Robbie, begging her to call him as soon as she could. 

Another three missed calls from Lizzie Maddox, with no messages left, and of course Laura had thought the absolute worst. It could only be James, and she’d been convinced he must have been killed. Her heart had broken at the very thought, but she’d held back her threatening tears long enough to phone Robbie, needing to know what had happened. 

When she’d heard the full story of the hit and run, Laura had found it hard to believe just how lucky James had been. She’d wanted to come home straight away, but it had been too late to start driving all the way from York that night, and the next morning she’d actually been able to speak to James briefly, which had eased her panic somewhat. He’d reassured her that he was mostly fine, and promised he’d take it easy when they released him from the hospital later that day. She’d then given Robbie a long lecture on what to do, and what not to do, and asked James’s sergeant to keep her posted discreetly as well.

As much as she’d wanted to come home, deep in her heart she’d also thought the two men would probably not welcome her being there when James was fresh out of the hospital. Neither of them would have said anything, of course, but Laura knew both of them well enough after so many years, and she could predict how they would both have reacted. On Robbie’s side, Laura suspected that the obvious parallels with what had happened to Val might mean her presence could be an unwelcome reminder of how time had moved on. And for James’s part, she was quite sure that Robbie’s presence by his side would be all he’d really want or need, as it had been in the past when he’d been ill or injured. 

The two men had taken care of each other before, of course, when Laura had still been just a friend to Robbie and a colleague to James. They’d be fine, alone together, and James’s injuries really weren’t serious enough to justify her leaving a conference she’d had to virtually beg her boss to send her on in the first place. 

So Laura had stayed away, burying herself in her work and contenting herself with phoning as often as she could. And wondering just what might be going on between the two men, alone and with James somewhat dependent on Robbie. Might this be the push Robbie needed to confront his real feelings for the younger man?

She’d tried to ignore the little voice in the back of her mind which wondered if leaving them alone together was actually such a good idea, strongly suspecting how the two men really felt about each other. Might Robbie change his mind about his relationship with her, deciding he’d rather be with James after all? But she’d dismissed the slight fear she’d felt – Laura trusted Robbie with all her heart, and she trusted James, too. Neither of them would do anything behind her back, although she had hoped that perhaps they might have a conversation or two about something deeper than allotments, beer, or work.

In the end, Laura had skipped out on the final dinner of the conference in order to drive home early, not able to wait another day before seeing the man she loved and her dear friend who had been hit by a car. And standing outside the door to her spare room, listening as the two men inside spoke in hushed yet sincere tones, Laura had realised with a smile just how right her instincts had been.

Hearing Robbie saying he wished he could love both of them, and hearing James admit he would like that too – she’d felt she had to make a somewhat dramatic entrance and interrupt their conversation, but seeing James’s injuries had stopped her in her tracks.

In a few quick steps, Laura crossed the room to James’s bed, and perched on the edge of the mattress, on the opposite side from where Robbie sat. With a gentle hand, she reached up and brushed her fingers lightly over James’s bruised forehead, above the neat white dressing taped in place there, her professional eyes taking in the healing scrape on his cheek and the visible bruising on his neck which disappeared down beneath the neckline of his sweatshirt, towards his broken clavicle. 

“Oh, James. You poor thing.” Startled eyes blinked at her, but thankfully James didn’t flinch from her touch. This close, she could see how his pupils were ever so slightly dilated – taking his painkillers as prescribed, clearly, and she mentally applauded Robbie for managing to ensure that much. “How is it? How are you feeling?”

A slight pause, another blink, and then James managed to answer her hesitantly, his voice slightly shaky. “Better, thanks. I’ll be fine. Robbie’s taken good care of me.” Another pause, and then, “I was even thinking that it was probably time for me to go home, sleep in my own bed for – ”

“Not in a million years, James Hathaway.” Not while he looked like a strong breeze could knock him over, at least. And never, if Laura had her way. “Don’t you even dare think about it for a second.”

On the other side of the bed, Robbie cleared his throat and leaned forwards slightly, looking at Laura with a slight frown on his forehead. “How much did you hear, love?”

Grateful at least that Robbie wasn’t going to try to pretend nothing had been said, Laura offered him a reassuring smile and reached across James’s long legs for his hand. “Enough. And I did mean what I said. What if I didn’t mind? Would you really consider it, both of you?”

Robbie opened his mouth to reply, but it was James who spoke up first, his deep voice barely more than a whisper. “I’d never want to get in between the two of you. I’m sorry, Laura. I’ve accepted the situation, and I’m really very happy that the two of you are together. I’d never ask you to change anything about your relationship, not for me.”

“You aren’t asking, James, I’m offering. You both said you wanted this. I’ve always known the two of you come as a pair, and I’ve only ever wanted for all three of us to be happy. We all deserve that much, and more, right? I’ve thought about it for a while, and I’m sure we can make it work. I’d like to try, at least.”

The two men in front of her nodded slowly, though neither looked at all convinced, and Laura smiled at them both fondly. 

“Look, don’t overthink this,” she advised, leaning carefully across James to kiss Robbie soundly on the lips. “I love you, and I am in love with you,” she told him firmly, then turned to kiss James gently on the cheek, mindful of all his fading bruises. “And I love you too, though I’m not in love with you, I’m afraid. Don’t get any big ideas about us having a three-way orgy once you’re all healed up.”

Robbie choked on a shocked laugh as James made a strange, high-pitched sound, somehow growing paler still. 

“And not to put words into either of your mouths, but I didn’t hear either of you actually say it yet: Robbie, you’re in love with James, right? And James, you’ve been in love with Robbie for a long time, unless I’m very much mistaken.”

Both men nodded again as they stared at her silently for a long moment, before Robbie turned to look at the man by his side, a question clear in his bright blue eyes and a slightly disbelieving smile hovering around his lips. In contrast, James’s eyes were shining suspiciously brightly, his gaze fixed on the blankets bundled around his waist, expression unreadable.

“What d’you think then, James?” Robbie’s words were soft, barely more than a whisper of breath, and Laura rested one hand carefully on James’s thigh, rubbing gently in what she hoped would be taken as reassurance.

James was always going to be the one who needed convincing, she knew. James with all his religious baggage and complex beliefs, mixed up with what Laura thought was nothing but confusion over his sexuality. James with all his secrets and his worries and his too-clever brain. One step at a time; the last thing Laura wanted was to make either of the men uncomfortable, or to push James into something he wasn’t ready for.

Though something told her his silence was more from sheer disbelief, rather than horror at the very thought. That was a promising start, at least.

With one final, careful pat to his leg, Laura pushed up and away from the bed. “As I said, don’t overthink this.” This time James looked up at her with a slightly teary smile, nodding more decisively. “Good. Now, I’m off to unpack. We can talk about this later, if you both want, or we can just see how things go.”

“Laura, love?” Robbie’s voice stopped her in the doorway, and she paused with one hand on the frame. “I don’t know what I could have done to deserve you. You’re amazing.” 

She gave him a cheeky grin. “Glad you realise how lucky you are, Robbie Lewis.” And with that, she turned and walked out of the door. 

She looked back briefly to see the two men turn towards each other at long last, James moving cautiously with all his bruises and that sling he would wear for the next few weeks. Robbie brought one hand up to cup a bruised cheek, and he leaned closer until they were only inches apart, eyes locked. Laura smiled, her heart feeling fit to burst, as James licked his lips nervously and Robbie heaved an audible sigh.

And as Robbie and James leaned closer still, Laura left the room on silent feet in the instant before their lips met, pulling the door closed behind her. Let them have their first kiss alone, after so long spent waiting. Let them have their time together, just the two of them, and later the three of them could talk about how it all might work. There would be time for her and Robbie later, too, and time for them all to talk once the two men had been able to think it over.

Laura knew it wouldn’t necessarily be smooth sailing from this point on, though she hoped with all her heart that the three of them could find a way to make it work between them. James would overthink every last detail, of course, with that huge brain of his, doubtless tying himself in knots of morality, equality and fairness. Robbie would most likely be wracked with guilt at some point, after his initial amazement, convincing himself he was cheating on Laura even with her permission freely given. And Laura knew she might struggle with the practicalities, perhaps, not quite sure even now how she might feel when Robbie actually spent the night in James’s bed rather than her own.

But they would work it out, Laura somehow just knew they would. She really had never felt it was a competition between herself and James for Robbie’s love, but now, for the very first time, it really felt as if they had all won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little epilogue to go...


	3. Epilogue

** Robbie and Laura and James **

Sitting in one corner of the sofa, his feet up on the coffee table and Laura tucked against his side, Robbie heard the key turn in the front door and couldn’t hold in his small sigh of relief. James was home at last; the two people he loved most in the world were both home with him, where they belonged, and all was right with the world.

Soft footsteps in the hallway as Laura shifted to sit a little more upright, and Robbie turned with a smile as James finally came into the living room, dropping his suit jacket over the armchair. 

“And what sort of time d’you call this, then?” he teased gently, tilting his chin up for a kiss as James headed straight over to where they sat watching David Attenborough talking about elephants.

“Sorry, it’s been a bit of a day.” James braced one hand on the back of the sofa as he leaned down and kissed Robbie deeply, before turning to peck Laura warmly on the cheek. “I’d meant to be home for dinner.”

Robbie watched as Laura threw one arm around James’s long neck, tugging him closer for a quick hug before letting him up. “There’s a plate of pasta bake in the oven for you when you’re ready,” she told the younger man with a smile. “I even managed to stop Robbie eating all the apple pie, though there’s not much cream left to go with it.”

“Thanks, but I – ”

“Come on, love,” Robbie interrupted quickly before James could make an excuse to escape straight up to his room, his trained eyes telling him James’s smile was slightly strained. “Grab your tea and come sit with us a while.”

Laura sat up further as James disappeared into the kitchen without another word, and together the two of them shuffled over until Robbie was sitting in the middle of the sofa, making space for James by his side. “He needs you tonight, Robbie,” Laura whispered in his ear, arms sliding back around his waist. “I don’t know much about the case since I wasn’t on call, but I heard it was a mum with two young children who was killed. The boyfriend, apparently.”

“Ah. I assumed it was something more than just another case by the look of him.” Robbie frowned, tightening his arm around Laura’s shoulders as she tucked her head against his neck. The cases involving kids were always the worst, for all of them, and James in particular had a tendency to take them to heart. “Thanks, love, for understanding. And don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.” Robbie always tried to be sensitive to the balance of time he spent with each of them, and he had slept with James last night as well.

Laura must have seen something in his face, as she immediately spoke to reassure him. “Robbie, it’s fine. It was me last week, remember?” And it had been; James had sent Robbie off to take care of Laura when she’d taken an unexpected dip in the Cherwell and had needed ‘warming up’. The hot shower they’d shared had been quite an experience, and he felt a warm flush deep in his chest at the memory.

James’s return halted any further discussion, though Robbie tried and failed to bite his tongue when he saw exactly what the other man had on his plate. “Apple pie isn’t an acceptable dinner, you do realise?”

“Had a sandwich earlier.” The words were muffled as James shovelled a large forkful of pie straight into his mouth, sinking down onto the sofa as close to Robbie’s side as he could get. Even through the slightly creased shirt and rumpled suit trousers Robbie could feel that the long length of James’s body was still slightly chilled from the cool air outside, and he instinctively slid his free arm around that slender waist to tug James a fraction closer.

The three of them fell into a comfortable and contented silence, Laura’s attention clearly drifting back to the telly while James ate his pie. Robbie just let himself sink back into the sofa cushions, revelling once again in the presence of these two remarkable people by his side and in his arms. It had been six months now since James had been involved in that hit and run, and five months since he’d moved in with Robbie and Laura permanently. Robbie still had to pinch himself at times, because in his wildest dreams, he’d never dared imagine it could all work out so well.

Robbie pressed a loving kiss into Laura’s hair as she snuggled closer, her soft body melting into his own. He stroked his free hand gently up James’s side and felt the slight shiver as the younger man moved instinctively into his touch, then in the same instant Laura reached over Robbie’s lap to rest one hand on James’s knee, completing their unusual triangle. 

And as the night drew in outside, an icy rain beginning to fall, Robbie realised he couldn’t be happier with the way his life had turned out. He never would have expected this, not in a million years, but somehow it worked, for all three of them. 

“Stop thinking, Robbie,” James suddenly told him, leaning forwards to rest his empty plate on the coffee table before curling back up at Robbie’s side, long legs tucked up underneath him. “I can practically hear the cogs creaking as they turn.”

“I second that.” Laura laughed softly, and Robbie just shook his head and tightened his arms around them both in response. 

“A man’s got a right to think in his own home, doesn’t he?” he grumbled, though he knew his fond smile shone through in his voice. “Was just thinking how much I love you both. But no more thinking tonight, then.”

“We love you too, Robbie,” murmured Laura, and James hummed softly in agreement, and then the only sound for the rest of the evening was David Attenborough describing sunset over the Sahara.


End file.
